future perfect

stop whipping your hair every minute. half of your mane ends up on my computer screen, and my mac doesn’t need your weird shine serum spread all over it. 

i am astonished at where we are today. in a bad way.

As my junior year is drawing to a close, I have to really start considering what is going to get me as prepared as possible for “the real world” - a job. Should I stay where I’m comfortable and obtain a higher position for the year, or venture out and do things that I have always wanted to do? I really want to study abroad or do UCDC (or both), and I know I can because my financial aid would apply to the point where I would be paying just as much as I am now to go to school here. Do I really want to take on the responsibility of applying all of my time to another position in an organization I am already a leader of, or do I want to fulfill the goals I had when I first came into college? 

I am a planner. I like to have daily schedules with specific time slots filled with various activities, and I want to be able to map out my future to the best of my ability. Since I already decided to stay a fifth year to add another major, should I use my extra time to keep going with what I have or venture out and do something new? Or can I do both?

I feel like I am always giving myself to others - giving up my goals and independent aspirations for everyone that surrounds me. When I think about studying abroad, I immediately think - how will my mother deal with being away from me for so long? How will everyone that relies on me do without me here? But then I think - so. what. I never really take opportunities for the good of my well-being, and I always give myself to others. Yet, when does it stop? When should I put my foot down and keep it there for what I want to do?

Sometimes, my independent spirit is caged by my caring and worry for others, and with that, I am still happy, but at 80%. I want to push myself, to experience something on my own before I graduate, and to achieve that last twenty percent. 

I will try my best to do both - to serve those that depend on me as much as I can, but also serve myself and accomplish my personal goals. I believe this can happen, and I can succeed in all aspects of life, because I know if anyone is capable of doing so, it is me. 

Je veux partir ):